There at the edge of the forest we watched the waves crash and withdraw, carving delicate branches into the wet sand with tumbling stone brushes, and we talked about our lives and a growing yearning for wildness. My last view of the Canadian beaches brought with it my usual intense melancholy, buried feelings that I cannot control or fully understand exploding from somewhere deep inside of me, regret, yearning for presence, and a wistful and painful separation mixed with overwhelming gratitude.